Friday, January 15, 2010
Sunday, January 3, 2010
I am good a forgiving others and I know that God has given me the gift of forgiveness and it is my greatest joy in my life. As good as I am at forgiving everyone else I am never able to fully forgive myself for my mistakes and hiccups I have had along my short life. We all have done things that we regret (especially in the teenage years) and that is where my forgiveness lacks. An incident occurred when I was fifteen that rocked my world, my faith and my foundation that I still blame myself for. I know, logically, that what happened was not my fault and that God chooses to take his children home whenever He is ready but I can not help but go back and say: “If I hadn’t became friends with this person would they still be alive?” “If I hadn’t spent time alone with them would they be here right now?” “If I had been more conscious of washing my hands or covering that sneeze would he still he here?” "Was it my fault that parents lost their only child?” “Did I cause the pain and suffering of so many?” It’s a never ending loop that plays in my mind all the time. Every time I see someone dancing, I hear a certain song, I see a cemetery, I see a certain type of car the “what-ifs” come flying in. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever dealt with but it’s something that I know I need to learn to forgive myself for and learn to heal.
My dear friend passed away a short month after contracting a common virus that we both got at the same time at the tender age of 15. Most people not only survive this illness but never know that they even had it but the two of us both suffered more severely. My immune system is no longer able to fight the way that it should and I now get sick very easily and more severely. When the illness attacked my friend his body was confused due to a genetic condition that he did not know that he had and his body believed that the virus was actually a good thing and began destroying his organs in order to help the virus flourish. Within the month he suffered complete failure of his liver, kidneys and portions of his nervous system were so damaged that he became paralyzed from the waist down. I pray every day for peace for his family and that they are able to live knowing that he is now with God and is no longer in pain.
Day 1: Something you hate about yourself. Day 4: Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 2: Something you love about yourself.
Day 3: Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 5: Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 6: Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 7: Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 8: Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like poopy.
Day 9: Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10: Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11: Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12: Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13: A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough days. (write a letter.)
Day 14: A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15: Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16: Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17: A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18: Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19: What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20: Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21: (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22: Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23: Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24: Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25: The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26: Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27: What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28: What if you were pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29: Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30: A letter to yourself: tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.