One Mommy's Love: January 2011

Sunday, January 30, 2011

Saturday, January 29, 2011

Thirty Day Challenge–Day 29

The question asks if I could change one thing about myself what would it be but it doesn’t say if it means physically, emotionally, ect. so I will say a few.

Physically – I would make my hair not as oily and give it some volume. It is so flat and stringy that it drives me absolutely nuts.

Mentally – I wish I could end my OCD and be able to stop the annoying things that it causes.

Spiritually- I want to better my relationship with God and be a better person for him and to find the path that he wants me to go down.

Day 1: Something you hate about yourself.
Day 2: Something you love about yourself.
Day 3: Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 4: Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 5: Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 6: Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 7: Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 8: Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like poopy.
Day 9: Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10: Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11: Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12: Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13: A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough days. (write a letter.)
Day 14: A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15: Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16: Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17: A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18: Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19: What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20: Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21: (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22: Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23: Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24: Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25: The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26: Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27: What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28: What if you were pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29: Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30: A letter to yourself: tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.

Friday, January 28, 2011

Thirty Day Challenge–Day 28

If I were to find out I was pregnant today I would definitely feel a mixture of emotions but I would make the best of it and be happy with the miracle that God had given me.

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Thirty Day Challenge – Day 26 & 27

I have chosen to, yet again, post two days at once because I really didn’t see any reason on having a post with just the word “No.” for day 26. So, no, I have never wanted to end my life. I was very sad after my divorce but I have always had more than enough reasons to live and live my life to it’s greatest extent.

The best thing I have going for me right now if everything. My relationship with Stephen is amazing, the girls are growing and getting so smart and our new home is very slowly coming together.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Thirty Day Challenge–Day 25

I was not supposed to be here because my Mom was told, on multiple occasions since her teens, that she would not be able to carry a child. If it were not for the miracle of God I would not be alive today and my daughters would not as well. It’s scary to think about but it makes me appreciate my life and the great gift I was given.

Like Mother Like Daughter

Monday, January 24, 2011

Thirty Day Challenge–Day 24

To my best friends:

I have made you a CD and I hope you enjoy it. It has some fun songs that we can pop in the CD player and jam out to!

Sheena

1) Single Ladies – Beyonce
2) Girls Just Wanna Have Fun – Cyndi Lauper
3) Man I Feel Like A Women – Shania Twain
4) Respect – Aretha Franklin
5) My Boyfriends Back – The Angels
6) Red Neck Women – Gretchen Wilson
7) Dancing Queen – Abba
8) Wannabe – Spice Girls
9) Tic Tok – Key$ha
10) No Scrubs – TLC
11) Don’t Stop Believing – Journey
12) I’m That Kinda Girl – Patty Loveless

Saturday, January 22, 2011

Thirty Day Challenge–Day 22 & 23

I saw two days challenges as roughly the same thing so I chose to combine them.

I try my best not to regret anything that I’ve done in my life. We all make decisions that we wish we hadn’t but without that decisions we would never get to here we are now in our lives. I have a list of a few things that I sometimes wish that I could change.

*Make better friends and realize that when people backstab you that you should walk away.
*Do better in school and worry more about my academics instead of my social life.
*Believe in myself more and know that I am worth more than some people would let me believe.
*Realize when to say no to people and not always give in.

Friday, January 21, 2011

Thirty Day Challenge–Day 21

If my best friend was in a car accident moments after we had a fight I would be extremely upset. I know that I would go to the hospital immediately if she was there and I would pray for guidance from God and for her recovery in health and for recovery in our relationship.

Letters of Intent

Dear sweet angel girls:

Why, oh why, are we acting out so much lately? Between the excessive energy, extremely loud voices and complete disregard for anything that comes out of any adults mouth Mommy is getting a bit tired. I am more than ready for this defiant 3 year old stage to be over.

But I must say that I do enjoy how creative you're getting. It is fascinating to listen to your imaginations run wild and to see all the crazy things you can come up with.

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Thirty Day Challenge–Day 20

Drugs = A waste of time, energy, money and live.

Alcohol is only okay in small amounts.

The end.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Thirty Day Challenge–Day 19

Today’s challenge is to discuss political and religious opinions. It’s almost as though they

Well, I think that politics and politicians are mostly corrupt and that people are, in general, not willing to put others ahead of themselves and they only wish to advance their ideas and goals and not to do what is best for the nation as a whole. I also believe that if we continue to allow our elected representatives to receive incentives from large corporations that we will never advance as a society or as a human race.

I think that most religions pays more attention to small details and not enough to the big picture. I believe that, all in all, religion is about being the best person you can be so that you can help society as a whole. It’s not about the I it’s about the WE.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Twins Club Playdate

Today we went to the twins club playdate. Each month the club has a date at the park for the kids to play together and for the moms to be able to talk and swap stories. The girls enjoyed playing with friends whom they haven't seen in awhile. We can't wait until next time.

I haven't been terribly active with the club since the girls were very young. After their first birthday things got more intense and it was much harder for me to get to the meetings. The club has a mentoring program that was amazing as a soon-to-be mother and new mother. I learned so much from the other mother and mostly from my mentor. If you have a local multiples club and you aren't involved I highly suggest it!

Thirty Day Challenge–Day 18

The issue of homosexual marriage is such a touchy subject. I myself have shifted some of my opinions on the subject over the years but I think I am finally to a set conclusion on my opinion. I am for allowing homosexual couples to marry in a legal marriage but I do not think that religious houses should be forced to have preform the ceremonies. I don’t see how two men shouldn’t be allowed to be married when we allow heterosexual people to marry and divorce time after time after time. It makes no logical or moral sense to me.

n6iDay 1: Something you hate about yourself. o\Day 2: Something you love about yourself.
Day 3: Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 4: Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 5: Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 6: Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 7: Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 8: Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like poopy.
Day 9: Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10: Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11: Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12: Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13: A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough days. (write a letter.)
Day 14: A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15: Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16: Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17: A book you’ve read that changed your views on something. n nm
Day 18: Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19: What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20: Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21: (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22: Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23: Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24: Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25: The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26: Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27: What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28: What if you were pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29: Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30: A letter to yourself: tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.

Monday, January 17, 2011

Thirty Day Challenge–Day 17

I’ve read my fair share of books in my life. When I was younger my parents would always say that they hated to send me to my room or ground me because when my punishment was over they would have to take me to the bookstore because my supply would have dwindled significantly. I read my first novel in the fourth grade and it was Moby Dick. I know what you’re thinking; seriously?!? But I’ve always been a book nerd and I made the goal for myself at the time that I would read it. It took me the entire year and I, obviously, didn’t completely understand all of the nuances of the book but I read it none the less. I also read the Bible completely through in the fifth grade for the first time. It was also a nearly year long process that created, in my mind, more questions than answers but it was a huge stepping stone to where my studies went.

I can honestly say that each and every book has affected my life in some way. Obviously some much more than others. Most of the books that I’ve read that have made a larger impact have to with religion. The Bible, Book or Mormon, Quran, stories of Egyptian religion and many others have made me stop and rethink my life and how I view truth. I am fascinated in the similarities of so many different religions, ideals and beliefs. I also find great interested in dogma and how people can, in general, have the same beliefs but go about them so differently.

We enjoy...

Playing with our magnetic dolls first thing in the morning.

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Thirty Day Challenge-Day 16

I could live my entire life without petty drama. I know quite a few people whose entire lives seem to fueled by it and it really makes me wonder why anyone would want to live their lives that way.

Saturday, January 15, 2011

Thirty Day Challenge- Day 15

I've tried to live without the companionship of animals before and I can honestly say it was terrible. We are currently a.home of one lazy dog, two sweet kitties and a myriad of fish (five goldfish, four dayglows, one zebra danio, two blue danios and one "sucky fish".) The girls are also asking for a hamster and a skunk. I don't see any rodents in our future but they have definitely gotten my love of animals.

Day 1: Something you hate about yourself.
Day 2: Something you love about yourself.
Day 3: Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 4: Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 5: Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 6: Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 7: Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 8: Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like poopy.
Day 9: Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10: Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11: Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12: Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13: A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough days. (write a letter.)
Day 14: A hero that has let you down.
Day 15: Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16: Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17: A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18: Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19: What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20: Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21: (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22: Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23: Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24: Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25: The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26: Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27: What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28: What if you were pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29: Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30: A letter to yourself: tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.

Friday, January 14, 2011

Thirty Day Challenge–Day 14

I have never really had a “hero” per say so really don’t have anything to write for this day’s challenge.

And what exactly constitutes as a “hero” anyways? I know that there must be another way of viewing the term but when I see that word hero my brain goes either one of two ways. First to Jesus because I’ve heard his referred as such so many times and secondly to Superman. Both of these people save lives (and souls) on countless occasion so that has always been how I viewed the term. I really don’t know of anyone that has saved lives who has let me down so I guess this post is officially a bust.

Day 1: Something you hate about yourself.
Day 2: Something you love about yourself.
Day 3: Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 4: Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 5: Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 6: Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 7: Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 8: Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like poopy.
Day 9: Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10: Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11: Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12: Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13: A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough days. (write a letter.)
~~Day 14: A hero that has let you down.~~
Day 15: Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16: Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17: A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18: Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19: What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20: Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21: (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22: Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23: Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24: Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25: The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26: Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27: What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28: What if you were pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29: Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30: A letter to yourself: tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.

Glasses

The girls found my glasses.

Thursday, January 13, 2011

Thirty Day Challenge–Day 13

Dear Emmy Rossum;

I want to thank you for your album Inside Out. When I was going through a terribly difficult and emotionally draining part of my life your songs really helped me. I would literally put the songs on repeat and play them over and over again. I love how each song on your album was truly able to reach a part of me that I either did not want to feel or I that I wasn’t able to feel correctly. I could hear your voice singing the words that I so desperately needed to hear or to say myself.

Thank you,

Sheena

*Emmy Rossum-Inside Out-Don’t Stop Now*

“Follow you close four steps behind.
Part of me knew all of this time.
Pushed it down deep, kept it so small.
To help me keep these fragile walls,
From crashing down around my feet.
Don't make a sound, just let you be.
Lost in her face, can't turn away.
This final blow helps me let go.
Don't stop now, I need this to hurt.
Burn it into my mind.
No more second guessing anymore.
This is how it ends.
So don't stop now, get my head on straight.
And if seeing this is what it takes,
Please don't stop it now.
This will be the last time.
This darkened street you go to hide.
Illuminates you are not mine.
These tears run cold, my body numb.
I am not whole, what have you done.
It all makes sense, the disconnect.
Too many words we left unsaid.
But still I stare frozen here.
Until the curtains close.
Don't stop now, I need this to hurt.
Burn it into my mind.
No more second guessing anymore.
This is how it ends.
So don't stop now, get my head on straight.
And if seeing this is what it takes,
Please don't stop it now.
This will be the last time.
I need to see this through until this final bow.
Illusions gone, the show is done.
So don't stop now.
Follow you close four steps behind.
Part of me knew you are not mine.”

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Crocheting

I've been wanting to learn to crochet for quite some time now and I've finally gotten the nerve to buy some yarn and go to town. My great-grandmother was a crocheter and she taught my Mom a few basics so I imagine it's time to step up my game so to speak.

I can already tell its going to be a long uphill battle but I'm anxious to be able to actually say "yep, I made that". So far all I've been able to accomplish is a small line chain but even that is a huge step in the right direction. Now it's onto the slip and then the feared single!

I'd love to hear any tips you may have when it comes to tension and stitching tightness.

Thirty Day Challenge–Day 12

I can honestly say that no one has ever complimented me on my cooking prowess. Now, don’t get my wrong, there is a dish or two that I can cook without everyone gagging but for the most part food and I aren’t friends. My Mom is an amazing cook. She can cook the pants of some of the chefs on The Food Network and she has done everything imaginable to pass along her genetic code to me, but alas, I have none.

“I can’t cook for beans…nor can I cook beans.”

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Thirty Day Challenge–Day 11

Although some of the time it is not a compliment I have many, many people comment on how young I look. I am 25 years old and I get carded for R-rated movies and NightQuil! A lot of times people assume that, because I look young and don’t have a ring on my finger, that I am a teenage mother and that can be extremely rude and hurtful with their comments. Most of the time when people (and by people I mean older women) find out how old I actually am they will tell me “You’ll appreciate looking younger when you’re my age!” I am finally starting to be comfortable in my appearance and do appreciate that one day I will love that people think I am ten years younger.

Monday, January 10, 2011

Thirty Day Challenge–Day 10

Growing up I had two best girlfriends. We all lived in the same neighborhood, we went to school together and we rode a million miles on our bicycles throughout the ten years of our friendship. They were my world and knew me better than anyone else ever did or possibly ever will again. I just knew that one day after we grew up our children would play together as we sat at each others kitchen tables sipping coffee and laughing, as we did at the time, at all our inside jokes.

An extremely terrible miscommunication and a score of hurt feelings occurred during our senior year of high school which severed our friendship entirely. My two former friends are still best friends. I get to see photos of them together online and it breaks my heart sometimes. I know that what occurred is so far in the past but sometimes I can not help but wish to have those friendships back. I have never had friendships so strong and deep as those were and seriously doubt I ever will again. In a way I wish that none of it ever happened so that I wouldn’t know that I was missing out on now.

Today I pray that God will show me what I have learned from my friends and help me to move on.

Sunday, January 9, 2011

Thirty Day Challenge–Day 9

When I first started school in PreK my best friend was a girl named Ashley and we were inseparable! For my fifth birthday she was the only person I wanted to come to my birthday party, we sat next to each other everyday at school and we never went a day without playing on the ship playfort on the playground. She moved to Jacksonville, Florida after kindergarten and I left to go to public school in second grade. I didn’t hear from her for years.

On May 24, 1995 my old school received a letter from a little girl who had moved away from town and was looking for her friend. Luckily, the women in the front office who received the letter knew me and was able to get the letter to me. I was in the forth grade at the time and could not have been happier to hear from her. We began to write letters back and forth and it was so amazing to have her in my life again.

We wrote countless letters for years and we stayed in touch without a single phone call, email, text message or Facebook status for many years. I have kept each and every letter I have ever received from her and I treasure them to this day. As we got older out letters began to be written slower and slower and fewer and farther in between. The last letter I received from her was on November 29, 2001. I have tried to send letters to the address that I always used for her for years but I have never gotten a response back. I can not help but think about her and wonder. Did she go to college like she had always dreamed of? Did she get out of Florida? How are her parents? Is she married? Does she have kids? Is she alive? I have done my best to search for her online but her name is incredibly common and I have yet to find her. I pray that one day we will be united again in our friendship and until that I hope that she is well.

Saturday, January 8, 2011

Thirty Day Challenge–Day 8

When I was in the second grade I transferred from a private Christian school to go to public school and it was two weeks away from the end of the school term. No one wants to make their child change schools to abruptly in the school year but we were left with no choice. It was time to clean up outside one day at my private school and I was the assigned person to put all the kickballs back into the small utility shed beside the playground. As a placed the final balls into the shelves I heard the door close behind me and when I went to push the door to open it I realized that it was locked. The door could only be opened from the outside and I was trapped inside in the blistering heat of May in Florida. I heard all of the other kids get quieter and began to call out for help but there was no longer anyone there to hear me. I sat in my pretty blue dress, in the heat, alone for over an hour and no one realized I was gone. After all that time one of the Physical Education teachers had just happened to come out to check on the shed and found me.

I ran back to my classroom deathly afraid that I would be in trouble for not being there. As it turns out my teacher had not even noticed I was gone! When I explained to her what happened she put my name on the board (as punishment) and went about the rest of class. During a social time two boys came up to my and told me that they had intentionally closed me in the shed. I told the teacher but she did nothing about it and they did not get into trouble even after admitting their act to her. As it turned out one of the two boys was the Pastor at the schools son. When my Mom came to pick me up from school that day I explained everything to her and she went in to speak with my teacher. I was not in the room when they spoke but I could tell that something was wrong whenever my Mom came out of the room upset, grabbed my hand and we walked straight to the principals office. She demanded to speak to the principal. It seems that no one was able to tell her why no one noticed my absence from class for such a long period of time, why she was not told about the incident by the teacher or why I was reprimanded while the boys were not. She called my Father to the school and everything from that point was beyond my understanding at the time.

I went back to school the next day and was treated badly by my teacher. She proceeded to grill me about what I told my parents about the incident in front of the entire class and had to continuously interact with both of the boys. I burst into tears in the middle of class and was reprimanded for it. After explaining to my parents what had transpired that day and them finding no help from the school with either the boys or the teachers behavior they found it was best that I leave the school immediately. I was out of classes for about a week while they had me registered into public school.

I have spoken to both of the boys since we have graduated from school. The Pastors son still to this day refuses to say that what he did was hurtful towards me and still finds it funny. The other, on the other hand, has apologized to me and we became friends in our adult lives and stay in touch via Facebook.

Friday, January 7, 2011

Thirty Day Challenge–Day 7

I do not need words to tell you who has made my life worth living.

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Thirty Day Challenge–Day 6

A few of the blogs I follow were created due to a stressful or traumatic time in the writers life. There are a few that I really have to stop and collect myself as I read them and, to be honest, at times have to full out avoid. I hope that I never have to go through losing one of my girls. My heart breaks and yearns and cries out for the parents who have had to go through such a horrifying experience and I could not even imagine the pain and torment that they must have gone through. I met a women in my town who gave birth to two beautiful twin boys one of whom at 15 month developed cancer and passed away only a few short months later. She was incredibly strong and has since become an amazing advocate for cancer research geared towards children. I could not help but ask myself what I would do if I was in her shoes. Would I be able to advocate my child? Would I be able to stand in front of a crowd with her picture and not crumple into a ball of pain and anger? I pray that God would allow me to heal and to have peace but I am just not sure and hopefully will never, ever have to find out. I could not imagine looking into the face of one of my daughters as she grew knowing that her sister would look the same way if she were still here or hearing her speak and know that that’s what her sister would sound like if she could still speak to me.

What I Want To Be When I Grow Up

Today the girls and I were discussing what they might want to be when they grow up.

After we talked about whole list of jobs they ended up saying Hannah wants to be a figure skater and Hailey wants to be a paleontologist. I think that they suit the girls pretty well.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Thirty Day Challenge–Day 5

When I was younger my dreams went as such: 1) Go to college and graduate. 2) Meet Mr. Right 3) Buy a home. 4) Have babies. 5) Grow old and happy with my family in a modest home in a nice neighborhood in a good school zone. As you can well see my hopes did not pan out as I planned. I have completed one whole college course, got married and divorced, had twins, became a single mother living with her parents…you get my drift. After awhile of barely surviving and making it my the skin of my teeth I really just stopped trying to have those big dreams because they all were so incredibly out of my reach. To a point I still am the same way but when it comes to my goals and hopes I now surround them in reality and base them on how things in my life are truly coming along. Now my hopes are as much: 1) Raise my daughters to be well mannered young ladies who are properly potty trained. 2) Continue on the relationship path that Stephen and I are on. 3) Find work and child care I can afford. 4) Find a place to live that we can afford but isn’t falling down around us. It’s not a five year plan, more like 5 weeks, but those are my current hopes and dreams!

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Thirty Day Challenge – Day 4

As I posted on day three; I am one that has been blessed with the ability and grace to easily forgive. There is not a single person or act that has occurred that I have not been able to fully and openly give to God and allow myself to forgive.

Luke 17:3-4 So watch yourselves. “If your brother or sistersins against you, rebuke them; and if they repent, forgive them. Even if they sin against you seven times in a day and seven times come back to you saying ‘I repent,’ you must forgive them.”

Sunday, January 2, 2011

Thirty Day Challenge – Day 2

This is the easiest challenge so far. The thing that I love about myself is the way my body was able to create and bring to life my beautiful twin daughters without complication.

Saturday, January 1, 2011

Thirty Day Challenge – Day 1

Happy 1/1/11!

Another mom in my town posted this challenge on her blog and I thought I would play along.

Over the course of the past few years I have learned that I am nice to a fault and it is something that I hate about myself. I let people constantly run me over and use me. I have been used by friend and family members alike and its very hard to deal with especially when I can not find it in me to hold a grudge and I let the cycle continue.

After my latest childcare/employment disaster occurred I started to do a little reminiscing and discovered that I have had several jobs (both as a self employed childcare provider and working at another place of business) where I was not paid. Let me count this out for you I’ve have three child care jobs (totaling $1,400.00) and four other jobs (tending bar, cashiering at a restaurant, cashiering at a craft store and working in an established nursery school) where I was either never paid at all or was not paid for my last months wages. I know that I should have fought tooth and nail for the money that I worked so hard for but I never did…I just sucked it up and moved on. This is what I hate about myself.

I want so badly to be one of those women who is strong, feisty and is willing to put up a fight but I am not. I am meek and mild. I am not timid mind you but I am not one to want confrontation. I’m not sure how to fix this within myself but I know that I need to. Over the past few years there have been a major situation that really made me see how badly I was being used and I was able to stand up for myself but it took every inch of strength and courage I had and drained me of everything ounce of emotion I had. I just know that I can not let people take my graciousness and kindness for granted anymore and I need to figure out that fine line between compassion and fortitude.

~~Day 1: Something you hate about yourself.~~
Day 2: Something you love about yourself.
Day 3: Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 4: Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 5: Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 6: Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 7: Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 8: Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like poopy.
Day 9: Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10: Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11: Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12: Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13: A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough days. (write a letter.)
Day 14: A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15: Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16: Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17: A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18: Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19: What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20: Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21: (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22: Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23: Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24: Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25: The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26: Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27: What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28: What if you were pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29: Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30: A letter to yourself: tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.

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